Real Networking Happens in the Trenches, Not at Cocktail Hours

A study by Harvard Business Review found that only 11% of executives believe traditional networking events are effective for creating real connections. Most of the time, those events end with surface-level conversations and forgotten business cards.

Real networking doesn’t happen in a hotel ballroom. It happens during high-stakes projects, late-night deadlines, and messy team moments.

Where Real Trust Gets Built

Trust isn’t built when everything is going well. It’s built when things get hard. When the deal hits a snag. When a key partner backs out. When someone needs to step up without being asked.

That’s when people show who they really are. That’s when they remember who helped, who didn’t, and who disappeared.

Michael Fralin, a seasoned real estate attorney, explained how his most reliable connections didn’t come from networking. “It was the people I worked 16-hour closings with. The ones who stuck around when the deal nearly fell apart. You build trust when you go through the fire together.”

You don’t need a pitch. You need shared wins.

The Hidden Power of Shared Work

When you work alongside someone under pressure, you learn a lot fast. You see how they make decisions. How they handle stress. Whether they blame others or take ownership.

That kind of insight isn’t something you get over coffee.

According to a 2023 PwC study, 67% of business leaders said they prefer to work with partners they've gone through a difficult project with before. That’s because shared work beats shared drinks. Every time.

Why Most Networking Advice is Outdated

Networking advice hasn’t caught up with how real work happens. Most advice still pushes social events, inbox introductions, and “put yourself out there” tactics. That may help build visibility. But it doesn’t build loyalty.

Loyalty gets built in the trenches. When you're fixing someone else’s problem at 10 p.m. When you rewrite a doc because their associate is sick. When you find a solution instead of pointing fingers.

Those are the moments that make someone say, “I want that person on my next deal.”

Actionable Tips for Trench-Level Networking

1. Show Up When It’s Not Your Job

If something’s falling apart and you can help, help. Even if it's not your lane. Even if you don’t get credit.

The people in the room will remember.

2. Follow Up After the Fire

When the work is done, don’t disappear. Send a message. Ask how things turned out. Keep it real, not transactional.

That builds the bridge for the next opportunity.

3. Ask Better Questions During Work, Not Over Lunch

In the middle of a project, ask things like:

• What’s the hardest part of this deal for you?
  
• What would make this process smoother next time?
  
• How can I make your job easier on this?

Questions like that create honest conversations. You learn more than you ever would at a meet-and-greet.

4. Be Reliable When It’s Boring

Show up to the status calls. Deliver when it's routine. Do the unsexy parts well.

Quiet consistency earns more trust than loud brilliance.

When You’re New or Junior

You don’t need a senior title to start building trench-level trust. In fact, starting early helps.

Be the person who stays organised when everyone else is scattered. Offer to take notes. Be the first to volunteer for the thing no one wants to do.

People notice. And they remember.

Fralin recalled a junior team member who stayed late on a broken closing just to double-check addresses on FedEx labels. “That person got looped in on three more deals without even asking. We knew we could count on them.”

What to Avoid

Don’t confuse helpfulness with being over-eager. Don’t insert yourself into everything. Don’t make it about being seen.

Avoid:

• Over-promising just to impress
  
• Name-dropping connections you haven’t worked with
  
• Asking for favours too early
  
• Bragging about doing the basics
  

Let your work speak first. Let others introduce you when it matters.

How to Spot Your Networking Moments

Look for tension. Look for uncertainty. Look for deadlines.

If something feels like it could break and you’re in the room—that’s your moment. Step in. Step up. Stay calm.

People don’t forget who made things easier when it got hard.

Bonus: Build Quiet Trust Over Time

You don’t have to go viral or be the centre of attention to grow your network. You just have to:

• Be easy to work with
  
• Be helpful without strings
  
• Stay in touch after the work is done
  
• Pass opportunities without asking for anything in return

This is how networks grow—quietly, honestly, and steadily.

Wrap-Up: Trench Work Wins

Real networking doesn’t happen at cocktail hours. It happens when things are breaking and people need help. It’s built on shared effort, not small talk.

If you want to grow your network, find a way to be useful during the hard parts. Stay after the project ends. Keep your promises.

Let your actions build your reputation. Let your consistency build trust.

That’s how people like Michael Fralin earned their strongest professional relationships—not by showing up at events, but by showing up when it counted.